Now it's actually real

So for the last month, I've really been in recovery and now it's beginning to feel more real. The bandages have come off and I can actually see a little better what I'm going to look like. It's weird because it doesn't look anything like I've ever looked in my life. I moved from perky and up to full and bosomy to what the hell happened as they laid down and died while still huge. So now that I'm smaller and kind of round it takes some getting used to. They look like they are saluting the sun but in actuality when my clothes are off, there is some drooping which when I'm all healed will make them look very real and not like I've had anything done at all.

What I have to get used to now is the healing. I'm one of those people who feel every single fiber of skin, tissue and nerves as it heals. So throughout the day I feel stabbing and sticking pains as everything heals. I have a few spots where the skin doesn't appear to be all okay but I'm hoping that those will clear up soon. I'm now using healing ointments to make everything all nice and smooth and so I'm hoping all will be well.

My surgeon tells me that in another 6-8 weeks any residual swelling should reduce so I'm looking forward to that. Then my girlfriends who've had the surgery (2) have told me that in another 2 months, I'll look more normal and that in 6 months I'll be able to see the true final results. Regardless of aesthetically how pleasing it might look now, I'm just happy to not have anymore back and neck pains and bras that squeeze the life out of me and make me feel like I'm wearing a harness all the time.

Since I've had the surgery, my Mom keeps commenting on how well my bras fit because she had no idea of the tragic situation that had been occuring in them for the last 5 years. She told me that even if I hadn't needed to have the surgery, she'd have understood me doing the surgery just from a vanity standpoint. I still feel very tired and sluggish and I think that's because I don't do much in the way of exercise right now which I really need to do. I need to get my tush in gear and at least trying working out or going on the treadmill a few times a week.

So you probably won't hear from me for another few weeks yet since the bulk of what I've experienced is now behind me and what's left to be done is largely up to me.

Recovery Phase 1

So I wake up and it's now around 5 in the afternoon. I'd been on the operating table for 7 hours. 7 hours! There is this nurse hovering over me asking me about pain. First my throat is killing me because of the breathing tube they use during surgery and I feel like my entire body is throbbing. She keeps trying to talk to me and I know what I want to say but I keep babbling. What the hell? They keep showing me pictures to help me describe the pain and it's really not describeable. I feel slightly surreal and am trying really hard to get acclimated to being out of anesthesia.

Finally, I feel more normal and get wheeled back to my room and my Mom and hubby are waiting for me. That's when I realize that both my hands are swollen beyond belief. This was my reaction to the anesthesia. Later it would be compounded by the fact that my IV was not going into my vein but instead under my skin which is truly a pain that I don't wish on anybody. Morphine directly under your skin instead of into your vein is not fun.

By 8 the night, I was out of bed and walking. It was not easy because my entire upper body was bandaged and I couldn't use my hands for leverage which later led to my nearly peeing myself in bed because I'd been calling for a nurse for an hour to help me out of bed and no-one came. Fortunately, I was able to get someone to take out my IV which allowed me to get out of bed and hobble over to the commode so that I could pee throughout the night. By morning, my nurse returned and put an IV in the crook of my left arm because that was the only place she could find a vein because I was so swollen. Then my new nurse came who told me to do a lot of deep breathing so that I could clear the anesthesia out my lungs. I kept doing this and my hands slowly began to look a little better. But I could barely feed myself that Thursday. By dinner time I had some use of my hands and within a week all the swelling had gone away. Now I just have the residual tingling and nerve irritation. Hopefully that will go away.

My surgeons' nurse comes and she takes off all the bandages and I get to see myself. Where did my boobs go? The shelf is all gone...instead I seem to have these bee stings....these aren't a D...they look more like a B to me...Lord, he made me too small....I'm used to having twins...this is not good. Okay, Sue, calm down...he's a renowed surgeon....everything will be fine. The skin is extremely tight and swollen but she swears that everything is wonderful. I'll reserve my comments till later. But she puts on new dressings, wraps me back up and my discharge papers arrive. Yipee!

Thursday afternoon, I was thrilled to be out of the hospital and I got in the car and merrily went home. We pick up my Meds which is most important. Percocet heaven, here I come. My Mom came over and gave me a bath as best as she could since i could wet my bandages. It was quite a chore moving around and getting in and out of bed. This went on for a few days and I couldn't believe that I could be in so much pain and agony.

Now it was not the breast reduction that was causing me the pain...instead it was the areas where he'd performed liposuction especially underneath the breast area and close to my ribs....I just felt like I'd been hit by a mac truck. I figured as the days went by I'd feel better and better. It took me almost 2 1/2 weeks before I began to feel remotely close to anything close to my former self. This was after I'd had to be drained of fluid (i'll spare you all the details of this lovely experience) and engaged in lymphatic drainage massage (which sounds hokey but really does work). Sometimes after surgery lymphatic fluid builds up an doesn’t drain itself quickly enough….what happens is the areas where the fluid collects hardens and this is not fun…so they stretch the skin very gently – it feels like you are being gently rubbed and then the fluid begins to release and you pee it all out. If I hadn’t experienced it for myself, I’d have sworn somebody was trying to sell me some swampland.

So I’m back at work and very tired today because I made the mistake of taking Excedrin last night which has caffeine so I was totally wired and so did not sleep well and so by the time it was time for me to get up, I was ready for a nap. Hopefully, I can keep the faith until I leave work tonight.

I'll probably make another entry in a few weeks when I have new insights into this whole thing.

Surgery and Recovery 1

Initially, this was supposed to be a couple of separate blogs. I wanted to to a day by day blog of my recovery. Yeah, right. This has been a very interesting journey and has taught me a lot about myself.

When I went in for my initial consultation, I definitely knew that I wanted to get the smaller boobs so that I could function in my life with less stress. I'd never thought about doing anything with my stomach because a previous doctor had told me that pregnancy had ruined my muscles and made them slacker so that I should have all my children and then consider a tummy tuck since my Mom and grandmother both had the belly pouches after pregnancy. I was like...okay...made sense. But I have huuuuggggeee thigs so when I went in, I also asked the doctor about my thighs and if liposuction would do them any good. He told me that yes it would but he'd prefer I lose weight before he even do that because lipsouction was for sculpting not overall weight loss. He did suggest however that I do some lipsuction under my armpits and under the breast area so that I'd look better after surgery. I do have quite a gut which was currently being hidden by the boobs so some removal of fat and breast tissue from both areas would be good. I agreed and we moved along with surgery.

Surgery day dawns and I'm trying really hard not to be terrified. I go in and they set me up complete with IV's and a some strange device wrapped around my leg to prevent clotting since I won't be mobile for almost 20 hours. After they do all this, they realize that I haven't given them a pee sample and I've already peed twice for the morning and have been fasting for 6 hours. Thankfully, I found a drop to give them about an hour later. I'm finally being wheeled into pre-surgery. Now they ask you the same questions about 15 times....I guess to make sure you are who you are and you are doing the specified surgery.

Everyone is being really nice and then panic occurs. Apparently, there's a problem with my chest x-ray. I hear this bulldog of a nurse telling everyone that my surgery is off. She is the most condescending person ever. She actually had the nerve to tell me that I wasn't in for necessary surgery and that it was all cosmetic. Bitch, who asked you? She apparently had lost a lot of weight but she was the most miserable person I'd ever seen. I noticed that everyone seemed to tiptoe around her so I figured that she must be a problem in the area. After her ridiculous comment, I turned to her and told her that it had taken me 2 years to decide to have surgery and that there was nothing cosmetic about having your bra strap wear into the groove of your bone. Furthermore everyone pays good money to have what God gave me naturally. I lay back and took a deep breath, but I really wanted to tell her to get the f--k out of my sight before I decked her.

My surgeon talks to the radiologist and apparently there's a small amount of fluid in my lungs. Not enough to concern them about delaying surgery but definitely something that I should look into later. It's a good thing that I'm doing this surgery because without it, I'd never have known that something might be askew with my lungs. Will check on that ASAP. Need to remember to get them to send the results to my primary care doctor so that I can be referred to a pulmonologist. They figure it might have something to do with my asthma and allergies, but better safe than sorry. The bitch nurse is actually questioning my surgeon about what he's doing and he has to tell her that he's moving ahead with surgery. I'm like - "heifer, you are a nurse...shut the hell up and let the highly skilled and trained surgeon do his job...who are you...the surgeon nazi?"

I get wheeled into the surgery room and the drugs begin to kick in and then they put on an oxygen mask ... I'm breathing and thinking about when they did this with Tristan for his surgery back in January..........

Getting prepped for surgery

Once I'd made the decision that I was moving along on this road, I decided to move very quickly before doubt and paranoia set in. Two years previosly I'd actually gone to see a plastic surgeon who told me in no uncertain words that I really should do this because he knew that I must be in pain. Over the course of the next two years with continue neck spasms, mid back pain and the annoyance of the bras I needed to wear to hoist the girls back up into place, I came across a flyer with a local surgeons name on it. I checked out his website, liked what I saw and called his office and had them send me some info. I went back to waiting.

I then experienced a neck spasm in August which put me in bed for two days. I went back to the doctor who again documented the fact that the weight of my breasts was causing me no small amount of discomfort. However, while my insurance comapny would have no problems paying for the surgery, they wanted me to be witin 30lbs of my goal weight. HA! I'm no where there so I did the next best thing. I have good credit so I got the money and embarked upon the scariest journey ever.

I've been watching Extreme Makeover and Dr. 90210 for ages and even though they made this seem like a simple procedure, deep down I knew that this would be a life altering change and that I needed to prepare for it. After my consultation with my surgeon (who's board certified and had gotten nothing but kudos from everyone and has even served as a chief of surgery at a local hospital - yes do your homework please for anyone doing this), I knew that life had to change. I couldn't just chop off my boobs and expect everything to change, I'd had to make a lot of changes with eating and exercise because my belly which was hidden beneath my boobs would now become very obvious as I moved from a F down to a D cup.

So once the surgery day was set - October 25 - I had a ton of stuff to do. I had to do a mammogram, chest x-ray, along with routine pre-op blood work and an EKG. These tests yielded two things I hadn't known before. I have trace amount of fluids in my lungs so I have to check that out with a pulmonary doctor and I have a small hernia which hopefully will repair itself with exercise.

With all my tests complete, I go the day before surgery to be marked. On TV, you see them draw some lines which to you look like scribbles and maybe takes them 10 minutes. HA! My surgeon was marking me for a good 40 minutes. He was measuring and lifting and drawing and calibrating - it felt like an architect drawing construction lines. When I voiced this to my surgeon, he agreed and even explained to me why this was so important. There is a textbook measurement about where a nipple should be in related to your neck..if he'd put mine there, I'd have had a nipple in my throat so he opted to put it lower and make it look more natural.

I then went home had a big meal since I began fasting at midnight, the following day was the big day. MOre of that to come in the next entry. Surgery and Recovery.

Starting on the road

So a few years ago, I really had to come to grips with the fact that I had really big boobs. I've always been a breast person and I loved my boobs. In fact the guys liked them a lot as well. They were huge but still retained some perkiness so that was great. But I began to notice that even if I lost weight or gained weight, my boobs didn't really change much. In fact, I'd drop 20 or 40 lbs and they stil reamined the same. Over the years gravity did a job on them and they began to droop. I had no issue wiht this becuase this is what breasts did.

At the age of 13 while wearing a 34C bra, I began to think I had something called bursitis which is an inflammation of the shoulder muscle. My shoulder would hurt and burn all the time. Little did I know that this was teh beginning of a slippery road I was about to travel. By the time I was twenty, I was wearing a 38D bra and a nice sizw 10/12. I was in proportion and life was great. Over the years, I lost and gained weight and moved bewtween a size 16 and a size 24...what never changed however was that my breasts kept getting bigger and bigger. By the time I was getting married, I was a 42DD. I then got pregnant and moved to a 46DDD. I dropped 40lbs after my son's birth and still nothing happened. Then I arrived at a 44F and realized that soemthing had to give.

If you look in my closet, you will never see a button front shirt because that is just a living nightmare - in order for it to fit my boobs, I have to buy either a 26 or a 28 and then have it altered down. That was too aggravating so I ended buying lot of stretch shirts that went over my head and just escaped the whole button ordeal.

Then I began have massages back in 2004 for a back condition and the massage therapist told me that my tight shoulders were not related to my neck and lower back issue, but instead to the weight of my boobs sitting on my chest creating a pressure there, grooving in my shoulder and a mid back stress on my spine. For years, I'd been walking around doing self adjustments without realizing that I'd been trying to relieve this back problem I'd been having.

In 2004 both my chiropractor and my primary care doctor ask me to begin thinking about a breast reduction because they both thought it would help relieve many of my issues even that of the shallow breathing I sometimes had. I knew I had to do it eventually but kept putting it off because who wants to think about your womanly parts being lopped off. I spent two years researching and looking and checking and this year, everything finally came to a head for me and I made the appointment and went to see the surgeon. By the end of the day, my surgery had been scheduled for a month later. WOW!

My surgeon couldn't believe I'd waited this long. I had all the traditonal problems. Grooving of the shoulders, persistent perspiring under the breasts which means you are constantly bathing or else you are a sweaty mess, breast rashes, and skin scarring of the breast tissue and the scarring of the bra. I couldn't believe I'd made the decision. My husband was extremely supportive and we moved on with life as normal.

I opted not to tell a lot of people because I knew some people woudl think I was having "cosmetic surgery." As my surgeon reminded me, this was not cosmetic, this was reconstructive surgery, I would be under anesthesia for some 6 - 7 hours while he did this small feat of moving me from an F cup back down to a D while still ensuring I retained sensitivity in my nipples and a realistic and attractive outcome. I told my family 2 weeks before the event and selectd friends between a week to a day before the event. I was keeping this as low key as possible. I don't know why because once they saw me post-op, they'd pretty much know what I'd done.

Oh well, the road to smaller perkier boobs would begin on October 25 at 8 am. My next entry will be about pre-op procedures and surgery day.